GO ON. Reach round me. I dare ya.

Nancy on a plate. Dire straits. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqOSR7KX_ik
'Play this at my funeral Daisy.... and dress up really nice, but in black. I dont want people turning up in colour.' Right mum. (This is my mother. I work with her on a saturday in a Spar shop that she owns. Saturdays now consist of me, my mother and Kelly. Kelly has a grin on her face from the minute i walk in (i use to work with her everyday and not only did we form a great friendship we also made a really good working team) i dont understand why she is so happy too see me as i am usually an hour late or so. The last saturday i worked with these two (cant think of the right word to describe them) sweet sweet special children, they found it hilarious to sing Johnny Cash songs to me all day as i had made it clear how little a fan i was of the film 'Walking the Line'.. Kelly is making a Johnny Cash mix CD for next Saturday. Joy. It also contained one of the funniest stories my mother has ever told me, it did take her 20mins or so to tell me this as Kelly had tears rolling down her face from laughing so much. I probably shouldnt tell you this story as it is slightly private but what the hell....

We recently invested in a slushpuppie machine in the shop this is proving to be a big seller (and its yummeh with vodka) in investing this we have invested in a 'slushpuppie man' as we call him who calls once a month or so and checks on the machine. I have never met him as he usually comes midweek when i am at college, He is called Stan, or Mike, or Colin or something, he is Scottish and a bit rude sometimes, apparently.

Anyway Mum had eaten steak the night before he came and had a dicky tummy all day so she was in the staff room toilet when she shouted to my dad (who was passing through the back of the shop) to get her some toilet roll or something like this and left the door unlocked so he could pop it in for her. So there she was 'dropping the kids off'  with her pants round her ankles when low and behold WHO barges in the staff room toilet door but the slush puppie man. Nancy screams and slams the door in his face, yelling 'OH MY GOD! GET OUT!'

He leaves but instead of returning back into the shop he stays just outside the staff room toilet door and waits for her to do her business. By this point my mum is so embarrased she cant even bring herself to spray airfreshner as she doesnt want to make it obvious (LIKE ITS ALREADY NOT!) so she saunters out humming to herself with a box of tampax to make it look as though she was on a period and continues to walk back through the shop holding them, waving to the locals. Nancy... You and your bowls. TOO many funny stories.

Anyway yes, Nancy only wants black and nicely dressed folk at her funeral. This is the women who turned up to work wearing ALL red. ALL. RED. Red dress, Red (high denier) tights, Red shirt (worn open), Red flower in her hair and her Patsy Klein Snakeskin boots. After me and Kelly rolling round laughing at her for a good while i contemplated taking a picture of her and dubbing it 'Could this be the worst outfit ever?' But then in walks my younger brother Bobby (nicknamed last week Mick Hucknell from Simplyred) in yellow flowered surf shorts, checked shirt and gypsy/farm boots. Whatta family.